and so begins the month of jokes about my name

weedjoke420:

she’s beauty and she’s grace, she dropped her phone on her face

twofishies:

inimicaldolly:

artemuscainpotato:

eversolewd:

havocados:

In the future they’re gonna sell you air and you’re gonna fuckin buy it.

The lorax is a prophecy

When I worked at a movie theater. A woman bought her stuff at the concession stand on one of those days that had a lot of people at the theater, but it wasn’t “busy”
After finishing the transaction she said “If you don’t mind me asking, are you familiar with The Bible?”
Without wishing to offend and get myself another write up I said “Yes, but not as much as I should.”
She smiled and said “In the book of revelations it says the end times will come when every man has a number given to them and water is sold and bought. Kind of like bottled water and Social Security and Credit cards.”
After some seconds I absentmindedly asked “Well… should we not do things like that?”
She shrugged. “It’s prophecy. No use trying to go against it.” She then wished me well and went on her way.
I didn’t sleep well for the next few weeks.

oh

…hoo boy

twofishies:

inimicaldolly:

artemuscainpotato:

eversolewd:

havocados:

In the future they’re gonna sell you air and you’re gonna fuckin buy it.

The lorax is a prophecy

When I worked at a movie theater. A woman bought her stuff at the concession stand on one of those days that had a lot of people at the theater, but it wasn’t “busy”

After finishing the transaction she said “If you don’t mind me asking, are you familiar with The Bible?”

Without wishing to offend and get myself another write up I said “Yes, but not as much as I should.”

She smiled and said “In the book of revelations it says the end times will come when every man has a number given to them and water is sold and bought. Kind of like bottled water and Social Security and Credit cards.”

After some seconds I absentmindedly asked “Well… should we not do things like that?”

She shrugged. “It’s prophecy. No use trying to go against it.” She then wished me well and went on her way.

I didn’t sleep well for the next few weeks.

oh

…hoo boy

meloetta:

why do they always showcase ‘bullies’ in cartoons as being some punk with a mohawk like

when was the last time you saw a cool guy in a leather jacket not minding his own business it’s usually some basic asshole in a graphic tee that has something to say

puppetmasternaegi:

2xpistolsandawink:

nottheshepardyourelookingfor:

aktwerkthatbooty:

Jesus Christ.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE.

I just hurt myself laughing

Jesus, you JESUS.

OH MY GOD

furbearingbrick:

vampirequeeneffeffia:

rita-haxx:

Fucking Christ

These are technically still facts.

buzzkill facts totally need to be a thing

mountainside-96:

lintott:

i always think “if people want to talk to me they will” which is my reasoning for never really starting conversations so i’m permanently thinking no one wants to talk but what if they’re sat there thinking the same and it’s just this cycle of silence that never gets broken because i’m too stubborn to just put myself out there 

exactly

basically thats how everyone kinda is

attackofthekillermexisaurusrex:

I find Salazar Slytherin intriguing. Was he a racist? Yes, he was, he was definitely racist. A racist, purist creeper with a knack for finding giant snakes to eat innocent children. But were his worries of muggles unfounded? I wouldn’t really say so.

Salazar Slytherin was alive during the…